Beginning at the End
Our culture is death avoidant. We don’t give consideration to how we would like to die, we don’t plan for the end of life. Many personal development teachers will advise their students to begin with the end in mind. Playing the tape, or a sequence of events, backwards can help us see clearly the steps we need to take to get where we want to be. It’s a practice to help you identify your priorities and keep your actions in alignment with your goals. My purpose in life is to help people live their lives to the fullest and with priorities in mind as they go through their days. I do this by sharing what I’ve learned about living from people who are now completing their journey. So, as I begin this journey of writing blog posts from the perspective of a Death Doula, I’d like to do just that, begin with the end in mind.
Imagine you are 95 years old, at the end of your life. As you lay in bed, where are you? What does the room look and smell like? Who is with you? What is going on? For me, I’d like to be at home. I’d like to be on hospice, with an aide who can take care of my day to day care needs so that things like bathing and feeding don’t have to fall on my loved ones but rather someone who is trained and does this for a living. I’d like the support of a hospice team, meeting with a spiritual leader, such as a chaplain, and knowing that my loved ones have the support of a team of trained professionals to guide them through my final transition of life and what comes after for them in theirs. I want someone, such as a Death Doula, to guide me and my family through this transition, who can educate us and plan with us and be a resource for us. I’d like the room to have soft lighting, hear faint rainforest sounds on a speaker and smell the aroma of essential oils from a nearby diffuser. I want to be clean and comfortable. I want things to be quiet. And I want my loved ones to be near, visiting often.
My name is Elena and I’m a Community Education Liaison for Ascend Hospice in New Jersey and I became a certified Death Doula 3 years ago. There are so many reasons and experiences that brought me to working for hospice but most of all, I do because I feel connected to the natural cycles of life, and because I want to spread awareness that people deserve and have access to a good death. I am so appreciative that working for hospice keeps me motivated to live my life to the fullest, focusing on my priorities everyday.
My specialty as a Doula is working on legacies. I take people through exercises that help them process their life experience and see it as a complete journey full of purpose. I also help people process their relationship with the dying, finding meaning in the small details that shaped their life. I’ve often contemplated what the purpose of life is, asking many people what they feel theirs is. How can I live a purposeful life? Where will I find my purpose? These questions have been rattling in my mind for most of my adult life thus far. And I’ve come to see purpose differently after working with the dying. And that’s what I’d like to share with you. I believe all of us share a common purpose and have individual purposes. We are all here to experience life, truly be present for each moment that we can and soak it all in. To feel our whole spectrum of emotions, to appreciate beauty, to love and so much more. And I no longer think purpose is something we find as much as it is something we work for and create.
Stay turned. On this website I’ll have more stories, ideas to contemplate and guest bloggers to share their expertise on elder care, end of life, and of course, living yours to the fullest. Please share these blog posts with anyone you think could benefit from the journey and reach out if you’d like to be a guest blogger.
